every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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