I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
