whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
