Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
