He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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