Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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