i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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