youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
