If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
