I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
