dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
