Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
