absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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