I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
