i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
