i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
