8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
