I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
