...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
