Can Purell be used as lube?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
