Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
