I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
