have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
