some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
