I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
