I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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