I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
