I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
