dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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