you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
