You really coming over, don't trick.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
