During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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