Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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