If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
