it wasn't lemon gatorade
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
