I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
