You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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