so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
