My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
