Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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