Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
