Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
