who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
