K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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