I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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