these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
