I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
