Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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