I just cut my nipple shaving
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
