I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
