sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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