Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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