Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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