He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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